I close my eyes as I slide downwards, try to breathe and inhale as much snow as air. Suddenly, I am flung head over heels, over and over and over. I tuck myself into a tight ball and take one last breath before my head submerges beneath the layer of darkness. For what feels like a minute I am weightless, then comes a crushing impact and… Nothing.

I slap my pack “im ready” James looks up at me smiling, the light of adventure shining in his eyes “shit yea, lets go” he says. It’s eight in the morning and I had just spent a frantic hour checking every bit of safety equipment I had and packing for our backcountry ski/snowboard trip. We had been talking about doing an overnight trip backcountry skiing and boarding off the back of Treble Cone for a long time but that night we decided that with the rumoured “storm of the season” hitting TC overnight that the two days after would be absolutely perfect.

My eyes open slowly, everything is silent and dark. I feel relaxed as though waking from a nice dream. In those precious few seconds after waking I still believe I’m at home in my own comfortable bed. I feel the cold slowly seeping in through my jacket, the freezing snow searing the crack of exposed skin on my back. Snow, where am I. My brain slowly connects the dots, struggling to piece together the small fragments of memory that are just out of reach. Snow should be white. Something in my brain finally triggers to where I am. I’m in an avalanche. No, I was in an avalanche. My memory comes flooding back and I am overwhelmed with the same panic I felt sliding uncontrollably down the slope, drowning in snow. Now I’m trapped, sealed in this airless, dark, soundproof, prison. I try to sit up but I am trapped in place. The only body part I can move even slightly is my fingers. Curling into a ball had saved my life at least for now, my fingers and arms had created a small air pocket in front of my face. As for the rest of my body, for the amount I can move I may as well be stuck in hardened concrete. Claustrophobia had never been a fear of mine but here trapped with snow pressing in on me from every side panic starts to set in.

My music pauses and my phone starts ringing, I glance down at it, James’s name lights up the screen. Without a second thought I pick up the phone and put it on speaker. I know James would never call me with bad news, this has got to be good. After the usual formalities James gets down to business, “you seen the forecast?” There’s no need to ask what forecast he’s talking about. We both know he means the Treble Cone snow forecast. “There’s a storm coming tonight” he says “it’s gonna be real good around 50cm.” I can feel his excitement through the phone. “Shittt” I reply, storms that big only come around once every two seasons. “We gotta go out overnight,” I say. “I’ll pick you up around 8 tomorrow” says James, though he sounds calm I can tell he is bursting with anticipation. I reply with “yep sounds good”. Saying “later” to sign off James ends the call and my music starts softly playing again. Outside my car the sky looks dark and promising. I feel a tightening in my gut, it’s a good feeling, nervousness, excitement and anticipation all rolled into one. I welcome that feeling, it means something out of the ordinary is about to go down.

I thrash forward and back letting panic and rage consume me. Gritting my teeth I yell as I realise my efforts have been completely helpless. I scream and thrash more but the rage that had completely consumed me slowly fades away leaving me feeling weak and empty. Tears begin running sideways down my cheeks as I realise that down here I truly am completely helpless. The realisation that I may die, cold and alone down here in the dark is a thought that my mind cannot comprehend. James! The thought hits me like a slap in the face, knocking me out of my abyss of self  pity. He’s out there somewhere. He could be out there right now looking for me, I can feel my transceiver digging into my hip. if he’s looking he should be able to find me. That’s if he’s looking for me, for all I know he could be buried, suffocating in his own grave. I try to think back to just before the avalanche. We were walking along a skinny ridge. There were valleys and ridgelines all around stretching out to the horizon in every direction. To the left of us the slope was steep splattered with rocks and wind lips. To our right the slope was even steeper it extended around 100m down then there was a cliff from where we were standing it was impossible to see the bottom.

Up ahead around is where we plan to camp for the night. The ridge flatenes out and there is a rock outcrop in the middle that we could pitch our tent beside for shelter from wind in the night. Not that there is any wind now, the conditions could not be more perfect. Out here me and James are the only humans for miles. Perfect solitude, an escape from life as we know it. How many people on earth have been somewhere as incredible as this. I walk towards the right side of the ridge to get a better look at the incredible view. Snow capped mountains stretching away forever. I feel a tingling sensation in my feet as I shuffled closer to the overhang to peer over. I hear the sliding sound of James approaching me on his skins. All of a sudden I get an uneasy feeling in my gut and I take a step back from the edge, but I’m too late. The overhanging cornice on which I had been standing had been softening in the sun all day and it could not hold both my weight and Jameis weight at once. The cornice gives way and I fall landing in the powder beneath it. The weight of the cornice landing on the snow laden slope instantly sets off a slab avalanche. I feel the slope begin to slide beneath me, as if I was suddenly in a waterslide. The last thing I see before I am tumbled out of control down hill with the avalanche is the sky, light blue. How I would love to be there right now, anywhere but here.

Suddenly, without any warning I feel it, a sharp pain in my lower back. I instantly know what it is, it’s a snow probe, it’s the promise of freedom, fresh air and sunlight. Things that are so normal I promise myself I will never take for granted again. All I have to do is just keep breathing in this toxic air for a few more minutes. Every breath seems to satisfy my need for oxygen less as my limited air supply fills with carbon dioxide. Just a few more minutes I tell myself over and over. I’m lightheaded and feel dizzy and sick. On the other end of the probe is James and he’s gonna get you out I tell myself, but I am not in control of my thoughts anymore and I fade out of consciousness.